5 Financial Truths all Women should know: Part 1/5
Truth #1.... You're Not "Bad at Money"
Intro: The Truth About Truths
I used to think the most important financial truths were things like “compound interest is your best friend” or “diversify your portfolio.” And yes, those things are true. But they’re not the truths that keep women up at night. They’re not the ones that help you breathe easier when the market drops or you’re staring at a bank statement wondering how your life got this expensive.
The real truths, the ones I come back to again and again in my own life, and the ones I’ve seen land like lightning bolts in the lives of my clients are messier, deeper, and way more personal.
So today, I’m sharing the first of the five financial truths I want every woman to know. These truths are the ones I want to emblazon onto the inside of my daughters’ minds. The ones I affirm to clients who think they’ve ruined everything. The ones I tell myself on repeat when even as a 15-year industry professional and CFA charter holder, I feel out of place and less than in an industry that just does not seem to be speaking my language.
Truth #1: You’re not “bad at money”. Hard Stop.
Where this belief shows up
“I’m bad at money.” I hear this one a lot. And guess who from? It’s not my male clients.
In my practice, I work with all kinds of people: single men and women, divorced couples, young families, retirees, widows…you name it. And while every client brings a unique story, some patterns are hard to ignore. One of the most consistent is this:
It’s far more common for women to blame themselves when they feel behind financially.
Not all women do. And it’s not only women who feel this way. But time and again, I see women internalize financial shame, treating a lack of knowledge or missed opportunity not as something circumstantial, but as a personal failure.
Common statements include “I am not good at money”, “I don’t understand any of this stuff”, “I messed everything up”, “I should have [....] better”. And men on the other hand – they acknowledge needing help, but not in a way that attaches any blame to themselves. It is more “It’s time for me to […...]” or “I’d like help with [……] so that I can [……].” Matter of fact, no shame, no blame.
The thing is and I mean this wholeheartedly, every single woman I work with is a rock star. Highly successful, motivated, ambitious, juggling careers and dreams, managing households, supporting parents, supporting charities. It is inspiring. But even my most bad ass no nonsense clients: women who run companies, raise families, argue cases in court, or lead classrooms full of feral first graders seem to be stuck in this shame/fear trap around money. And it does not have to be that way.
Let me say this clearly: You are not bad at money. What does that even mean anyway? First of all, you are working within a system that was not designed for you. The Financial industry and all of its off shoots do not do a good job at catering to a feminine point of view which tends to be more holistic vs. singular. It is a system that assumes stability, ignores caregiving, and assumes you’re making decisions in a vacuum which is not how we work. I believe that the ability to connect dots, multitask, and manage a million priorities at once is our superpower. Traditional financial management is not designed to highlight those skills and typically operates in way that ignores or even punishes them.
What it Really Means
Let’s talk for a moment about what it actually means to be “bad at money.” Because when I press clients on this, when I ask what they think that phrase really entails, I usually get a list that includes things like:
“I missed a 401(k) match.”
“I didn’t budget in my twenties.”
“I always end up owing too much at tax time.”
Here’s what I don’t hear (read: things that actually mean you might be bad at money):
“I gamble away my rent money.”
“I Marie Kondo’d my bills. They didn’t spark joy, so instead of paying them, I set them free into the ether and hoped for the best.”
“I just sent a guy named CryptoSteve $3,000 in gift cards because he said he could double it by Tuesday.”
So let’s call it like it is: Most of what women mean when they say they’re “bad at money” isn’t actually badness, it’s a lack of support, clarity, or language around what’s happening. It’s living in a world that never taught them the rules. It’s absorbing shame because you don’t fit a system that never made room for your life in the first place.
The System Wasn't Built For You
Let me give you a few real-world examples of how the system wasn’t designed for us:
· Credit scores used to be assigned solely to husbands. Women couldn’t apply for their own credit cards without a male co-signer until 1974.
· Caregiving gaps in careers—whether for children or aging parents—are treated as red flags in financial models, not as life’s most meaningful and necessary work.
· Wage gaps persist in nearly every industry, yet our retirement models assume uniform savings rates and outcomes.
· Financial media still targets women with “couponing tips” while men get market analysis.
· The financial advisory world? Predominantly male, often overly technical, and frequently dismissive of questions that are holistic, intuitive, or values-driven.
And let’s be honest: it’s not just the systems. It’s the culture, too. The girlboss era taught us to hustle, not to rest. We’re told to save, but also to spend to look successful. We’re told to plan for retirement, but also not to talk about money because it’s “unladylike.” Don’t even get me started on the “girl math”…
For those that are fortunate enough to live under a social media rock, Girl Math was a viral trend which involved women posting playful, tongue-in-cheek ways in which they justify purchases. Buying something with cash felt “free.” Returning an item meant you made money. A concert ticket bought months ago was “already paid for,” so going felt costless.
Funny? Sure. Relatable? Of Course (been there).
But the problem is that it quickly morphed from humor into a kind of cultural permission slip for women to downplay their financial literacy. It became trendy to act like we don’t get it. Like we can’t get it. Like mental math is for men and shopping math is for us.
And that’s not just disappointing—it’s damaging.
Because beneath the jokes, “girl math” glorifies the very myth we’re trying to dismantle: that women aren’t good with money. That we’re frivolous. That we can’t be trusted with spreadsheets, only Target runs. And it plays directly into a system that has always underestimated us—and benefited from our disengagement.
Worse still, it sugarcoats financial disempowerment as self-care. It makes avoidance cute. Confusion cute. It reinforces the idea that “real” math is for someone else to worry about. Someone male. Someone in charge. And guess what, behind closed doors the women who may have been publicly making light of financial insecurities, are the same ones talking to me about the shame they feel around it.
Reclaiming the Narrative
Women are brilliant with money. We're the CFOs of our households. We're caregivers, entrepreneurs, wage earners, and decision-makers. And yes, we are allowed to find joy in our spending—but not at the cost of buying into a joke that keeps us small.
So yes—laugh at the memes. But don’t let them write your narrative.
The real “girl math”?
Knowing your numbers. Asking questions. Making decisions that align with your values. And doing it all without apology.
So if you’ve ever thought, “I’m bad at money”—before entering a shame spiral, or dismissing the feeling with self-deprecating humor, I want you to pause and ask: By whose definition?
Because I’m guessing it’s not one you chose.
Maybe you’re thoughtful. Maybe you’re cautious. Maybe you’re values-led. Maybe your money “mistake” was trusting someone who let you down. Maybe you’ve never been bad with money, you’ve just never been given the full picture or a safe place to figure it out.
So let me offer you this: What if the traits you thought made you bad at money: your emotionality, your tendency to overthink, your priorities, your desire for alignment… what if they are signs of wisdom, not weakness?
Instead of feeling shame and feeling like we do not fit into others definition of financial aptitude, I challenge my readers to acknowledge and harness our collective strengths and simultaneously redefine what it means to be “good at money.”
Because I’ve seen what happens when women start shifting our definition to one that plays to those strengths. It’s not just budgets, spreadsheets, and expected rates of return. It’s clarity, confidence and calm. It’s momentum.
You are not bad at money. You’ve simply never been met with a system, or a conversation, that reflects who you actually are.
Your Turn
💡 Reflection Prompt:
The next time you catch yourself inserting shame into your inner monologue, pause. Name it. Then gently redirect the thought with a more productive question:
👉 “What can I learn from this?”
👉 “What support or information might I need right now?”
👉 “What would I say to a friend in this same situation?”
📝 Try This: Write down three moments when you made a thoughtful financial decision—even if it didn’t feel 'perfect' at the time. What values did that decision reflect?
📣 Take Action: Start your own conversation. Share this article with a friend, or better yet—discuss one financial decision you’re proud of this year. Begin to rewrite the narrative.
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